I combine my personal and professional lived experience and training into what I do. I continue to raise awareness and educate around topics such as trauma sensitive care, integrity, ethics in practice, advocacy, human behavior, communication, mental health, neurodivergence, equitable support, relationship dynamics, recovery, resilience, healing, and the layers that come with having a disability in ways others may not know or understand, especially in the online entrepreneurial space.

My experience and personal viewpoints are my own and are not likely to be a complete representation of any concept, service or product. I am not here to represent the view or be the singular voice of the communities I am a part of. While I may discuss issues that have been brought up among my peers when discussing my perspectives, they are not meant to be representative of every experience for any person or group.

It can feel a bit scary to tackle things on public and personal level because of the amount of stigma, double standards, the different types of barriers that exist out there, and how our trauma responses might show up without a felt-sense of safety. There is a lot of pressure being put on public facing coaches, advocates and helping professionals to be polished, to present information correctly, respond well all the time, and conform to the established ideals of the majority voice within our shared communities. However, I have seen people in the comment section rip people apart in such a dehumanizing way just to prove a point or even to start a comment pile up to generate social proof and validation because someone had a different view, made a human error, or did not respond as expected. There may be roots embedded in these expectations and responses, such as unmet needs, trauma, self-preservation, and a lack of a sense of safety. While I understand where that comes from, I felt that this content disclaimer needed to be updated to convey some important points.

​Some particular points of learning are impacted by my disabilities and memory capacity. While I do my best to be supportive of other people's diagnoses and needs, they also do not diminish my own or invalidate them because I choose to share things more publicly. I am always working to learn new things and expand my awareness as best as I can. I want to make a specific mention here of semantics, as this is brought up as a counterpoint often: "It's just semantics." Semantics pertains to language, meaning making, and includes communication, cognition, and information processing. While understand that for some folks these are important things to focus on, for others, these very things can be part of the challenges that those of us with complex trauma, C-PTSD, and other forms of neurodivergence and disabilities experience. All of these can be hampered by our stress physiology and nervous system dysregulation. In addition, it can be hard to infer meaning from written text and things can be misconstrued easily.

If someone is asking for clarity or needs help understanding something, I will not respond by saying "Educate yourself" or "Just Google It." I will provide context and clarity if needed. While some folks see having to add clarity or further context as extra labor, I personally do not. Context and clarity are important to the health of a conversation. I need this for myself too. Googling information has often left me feeling overwhelmed, as if I am standing in front of an information tsunami. I am also left wondering what information is relevant and authentic to the situation. This is also another way that ableism thrives in these spaces. I am not good with ambiguity. It's hard enough struggling to pick up cues outside of my communities, it can be just as much of a struggle interacting within them. I ask that you please try to be mindful of this as well. I don't want folks who experience the same type of struggles or disheartening confrontations in the process of learning to feel discouraged, devalued, or overwhelmed as I have. I love learning, and I will do what I can to help others feel good about their personal journey of learning and growing, too.

I don’t claim to be safe for everyone. I cannot in good conscience claim to be a ‘safe-person’ or state that I have a ‘safe space’ because naturally, that cannot be possible based on our histories, past traumas, conditioning, backgrounds, and life experience that shape our worldview and felt-sense of safety. If at any point you decide that time in my spaces is not something you feel comfortable with, please know that it is okay and sometimes it's best to move on. If at any point you decide that I am not the right person to help you, if you would like, with your consent to do so, I will do what I can to help you find someone who is better suited to meet your needs.

Some of my personal viewpoints and preferences may not align with yours and some of my content including podcast episodes, may contain themes and language that readers and listeners may find to be distressing. Particularly when discussing things like medical trauma, childhood trauma, disenfranchised grief, and bullying. At times, this will be coming in through raw perspectives in an interview or post, which may take folks who are listening or reading beyond their comfort zone.

It would be remiss of me to say that I won't trigger or offend anyone. Please know that I will not always be able to put a content warning on everything. I do my best to be mindful and add one when I can. I like to explore the depth and texture of concepts and conversation. It makes me uncomfortable at times, as it should. I can't stay in my comfort zone all the time. It will likely make others uncomfortable too. I do discuss things that people hesitate to speak about for various reasons. I am here for the challenging conversations. While do my best to mitigate offensiveness, I am not for everyone and I won't be everyone's cup of tea, or coffee.

​​It is important to proceed from here with the awareness that nervous system dysregulation is possible when participating and engaging in groups full of folks that have different backgrounds and experiences. As we find ourselves interacting together online, there will be occasional moments of discomfort. We will be surrounded by differing opinions, viewpoints, and experiences based on personal and generational histories, which brings me to my next point.

When interacting in the spaces that I have created: Please try to remember that we are all different and have come to the table with different histories, cultures, traditions, backgrounds, experiences, needs, and preferences. I do my best to encourage all voices having a place at the table, not just a preferred side or narrative.

​We can agree to disagree if necessary, keeping dignity intact. I have witnessed people hammer down on others, strip them of their dignity and voice because of a difference in views, opinions, language use, or terminology preference. Bullying, shaming, belittling, and gaslighting is not okay in any of my spaces. I do not support trading trauma for trauma. This is not healthy. There will be no room for hatred and cruelty in my spaces.

Differences of perspective are a natural part of co-existing, and yes, this may bring up disappointment. As humans, we will experience being disappointed and disappointing others. I disappoint people at times. This is sometimes based on expectations I have no awareness of, or because I cannot meet someone's expectations. I am healing from decades of people pleasing and falling back into appeasing to hold on to my felt-sense of safety. I do my best to recognize this, along with when I need to initiate repair and work through things with someone. I've also ushered in being disappointed by others because I expected that they would hold the same or similar views and values as I did, especially around inclusion. I've learned having the similar values does not correlate to having the same views. Certain expectations can do a number on our ability to be relational, especially the unspoken idea of sameness equaling being right, vs. wrong, or bad.

The aftermath of the election and the personal backlash I faced for my own choices, prompted me to have to update this disclaimer and think about inclusiveness. After being pushed out of groups and kicked off of email lists the week of the election, it has challenged me to think about how I want to represent inclusion. Not once have I ever stopped someone at my office door and asked them who they voted for or what their stance was on a particular topic before they sat in the chair across from me. If you only wish to serve and support people who are mutually agreeable and who have voted the same as you, then my spaces are probably not for you.

Sometimes in places of mutual support, a disagreement or a difference in viewpoints, perspectives, and opinions may bring up a sense of rejection. I share this because I have rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD). Having been in many shared spaces over the years, I have had to check in with myself at times and have learned to reduce my reactivity when my body's internal alert system may come on and cause a reaction/adaptation, in an attempt to ensure that I am safe and secure.​

​The ability to learn and comprehend, diminishes with overwhelm. Flooding folks' nervous systems through peer pressure and comment piling, especially when they may already be at capacity just to prove a point can cause harm. We cannot elbow folks into action with fear, shame, humiliation, and demands. It is harder to recognize where we could do better and to initiate repair when our nervous systems are responding to something that feels threatening, including a perceived threat in social situations. So many of us have been hurt by people, agencies, and systems that have used manipulative tactics for compliance, conformity, and profit. There is a lot of this happening within our shared communities. I would like to encourage a little more compassion, curiosity, and respectfulness around each other's differences and the ways that they can show up. New information is easier to explore, digest, and apply when we are well-regulated.

​I will likely brush up against long-standing, deeply ingrained belief-systems with new information and different perspectives. It may be hard not to take things personal when we read or experience something that challenges our way of thinking or tugs at deeply held beliefs and conditioning. Learning new information, moving through new awareness, and finding ourselves questioning things, especially when they may counter our worldview, can leave us spinning at times. This may create what is called a Disorienting Dilemma. For reference, "Disorienting dilemmas may be thought of as times when new information causes a person to call into question their values, beliefs, or assumptions" (Laros A.,1970). As these things are called into question, we may experience feelings, emotions, and body sensations that we were not expecting. It may seem as though one is being confronted by this new information, and this can feel disorienting sometimes.

​I do address information manipulation and possible misinformation as I feel led to. In a day and age where anyone can share information and start a viral trend, sometimes this is needed. Please remember that the quantity of comments, and the amount of folks who stand agreement with something does not always mean that something is necessarily right or true. It is not lost on me, how much damage that this mentality has done historically, and it's important to mindful of where we may be contributing to repeating toxic patterns, vs. healing from them. I am looking closely at what narratives are being centered and crafted in online discourse to sway opinion and sales, and how it aligns with societal views on social issues. There is often no discussion or regard to broader cultural, environmental, and systemic issues which can directly impact and correlate to how folks are obtaining services, their choices and habits around investment and savings, possible barriers and different levels of access or exclusion, and how this can affect trust. Digging deeper and doing the work beyond our own spaces is necessary. Many have become echo chambers in various ways. I may have to place boundaries down on certain topics of discussion. My energy, and joy are not up for the taking by people who enjoy arguing or counter everything they don't like or agree with about something I shared, every single time I post.

Broader conversations are often necessary and needed, beyond one social media post, and a few sentences in the comments. Context and background are often left out, especially when highlighting a specific point. Current practices out there support this for the engagement factor that often come from blanket statements and one-liners that often sound authoritative, mean, and demanding. There are many of us who struggle with ambiguity and take things more literally than others. Context and elaboration are important aspects of accessibility for modern times and support inclusive participation. This can shift perception and make such a difference in the outcome of a conversation.

Challenges and new avenues to explore often come up as we grow, learn, and expand from what we we’ve always known. Venturing down new roads can feel a bit nerve wracking and intimidating at times, but they can also lead to valuable experiences in learning and personal and professional growth too. Despite the relationship I have with the word resilience, I am re-shaping my relationship with it.​

​I am doing my best to be better and do better on the journey toward contributing to systemic change and a more equitable, inclusive world. ​Many disabled people still do not have the same rights and freedoms that others do. There are no words to describe how unjust that is and all of the ways that impacts people's lives, and autonomy, including my own. I alone cannot speak to the whole of this experience or the depth of it. There are other voices that should be prioritized in conversations that need to have broader representation collectively. The system has failed for decades to address barriers, inequities, discrimination, and challenges that create both internal and outward facing issues not easily understood by a primarily white, able-focused society. There are increased risks and challenges for vulnerable populations in the online space as well. While I do agree that victim mentality can be a factor, that isn't always what people are seeing. It is not always about a lack of choice in itself, but a lack of equitable, inclusive choices and opportunities that support one's unique needs. In the online space it plays out through social buy-in. There is a reduction in choice, visibility and opportunity, in favor of those with more power, access, financial opportunity, and privilege.

​If you are looking to work through rage, I understand and respect that. I am not here to take the brunt of it. Neither are other members of my page or group. I am actively working on my own healing, and there may be other members who are doing the same. I will not uproot my progress or ask that that of others. If at any point you decide that being around me, working with me, or being in my spaces is not for you, that is okay. I want you to do what you need to do to feel safe. Taking things out on others is a temporary fix. I know how hard it is not to let systems influence our path. I understand where this drive comes from, as I have often found myself mirroring it too. I empathize with folks who struggle with this. When we find ourselves walking on eggshells because of reactivity that kind of dynamic is not healthy for anyone. In spaces with me, I will do my best not to have someone's desire to punish others for the things that have happened to them be used as anyone's form of emotional therapy, fodder for public entertainment/likes, or justification for the vitriol and vengeful energy that is making many support spaces feel scary and unsafe to be in.

At times, additional support from a therapist or even a coach may be helpful. I understand that therapy and coaching are not for everyone, nor does everyone feel comfortable going to a therapist or have the resources to access these types of supports.
I am not stating this to suggest that you work with me. I am sharing it as an example, because on my own healing journey, I have realized that my own traumas and tolerance levels for sensory and somatic experiences and sensations, while all valid, are not an excuse to traumatize someone else, cause harm to another person's mental, emotional, and psychological health, or sabotage their healing and recovery. I've done this in the past because it fulfilled my unmet needs eased parts of me that were unhealed. Given that others are relying on me to a degree given what I do, I need to be accountable. Going to therapy and doing what I need to do to heal is part of that for me.

From my heart to yours I don't share things with the intention to change people's minds. Given the energy of the collective landscape at the moment, I feel that influencing change will be challenging without more cohesiveness, compassion, understanding, and acceptance within our communities. Rather, it is my hope that someone finds my content and perhaps finds relief realizing that they are not alone, or has the opportunity to learn, grow, and experience something different. If I can help one person find community or have the opportunity to feel seen and supported in ways they haven't been able to be, that is what I am here for.

This page was updated on November 16th, 2024