TRAUMA INFORMED COACHING
I provide trauma education to coaches and service providers, because if you are working with people, especially in today's social climate, it's inevitable that you will come across clients with trauma.
The complexities of trauma and high levels of nervous system overwhelm do not pause to evaluate your credentials or ask whether or not you are equipped to handle what may manifest in a session, or when addressing your audience of potential prospects and followers across your platforms, especially now.
There are many coaches and service providers going beyond their scope of practice to do trauma work without adequate training, accountability, or supervision in unregulated industries.
The intentions and integrity of the coaching industry are being brought into question even as it is poised to grow. People are tired of the bro-marketing madness, the brute-force tactics, the shame-inducing commentary, and the communities that front kindness and support but end up operating like a pyramid scheme.
There are many voices out there encouraging people to push through their fear and do things anyway, or that the struggles that they are having simply come down to a mindset issue. Well-meaning providers are coming into groups asking questions that ethically, they should already know the answer to before working with people and charging for services.
TRAUMA AND ETHICS IN COACHING, MENTORING, AND SERVICE PROVISION
Typical coaching programs do not address the biology of human behavior and the science of trauma. We've been misled by the programming around the fact that coaching is not therapy. While this is true, it does not change the fact that coaches
are working with trauma and are often woefully underprepared to do so.
When providing support for trauma survivors and especially those with complex trauma, a large factor in our approach is the awareness and understanding of how our brains and bodies are different.
Self-help within the realm of personal and spiritual development is not always helpful or as expedient with results for those who have experienced trauma. It often has far less to do with willingness, desire, or lack thereof. It is not that we are incapable of receiving, or that we are not putting in the work.
Are you prepared to recognize what is happening within your clients beyond making the connection to regurgitated language, terminology, symptoms and manifestations that are most talked about?
• Everyone may experience some form of trauma at some point in their lives, but not everyone will be impacted by their experience in the same way.
• The energy we put out there as providers, including within the sales and marketing process, can feed into nervous system dysregulation and overwhelm.
• Painful past learning experiences that have shaped one's worldview can influence how they engage and respond, personally and professionally. This includes us, too.
Our biology has a role in how we approach things. Biochemical changes impact how we respond, interact with others and move about within our environments. They can impact our executive functioning skills, including things like our decision-making process, our ability to trust, deduce, learn and apply what we've learned in real time scenarios, and whether or not we are viewing something from a logical perspective.
There are real, science-based reasons behind resistance, procrastination, or why nothing seems to be resonating for folks in our programs or when it comes to leaning into that ‘Yes’ after they hear an offer, that have nothing to do with not wanting it bad enough or not wanting to invest in themselves.
IF WE KNOW BETTER, WE CAN DO BETTER
Are there instances of bad coaching out there? Yes, absolutely. It's also important that I also point out that things aren't always done intentionally. We don't always know what we don't know.
Many of the principles and ideologies in the coaching industry are outdated and do not account for personal influences, or the role that trauma, toxic stress, and adversity have within coaching and healing.
The road to recovery, and building resilience is not linear, and may be a lifelong process, especially as patterns and generational trauma come to the surface. There are no timelines on unpacking, re-learning and healing.
The brute force energy that is encouraged to pour into content creation and marketing as an industry standard practice pushes many people away. It does not cultivate a felt sense of safety, attentiveness, or connection.
Painful past learning experiences and generational trauma can influence how we engage and respond, personally and professionally. Trauma, toxic stress, and adversity can impact our ability to trust, deduce, and learn.
Selling a service and working with clients is not about money and speed. Yet, one of the biggest messages out there is that one’s value is represented by how high they charge, and how fast they can close a sale and get an outcome.
The sales process is a delicate one and should be treated with intentionality. Moving too fast can lead to unsatisfactory outcomes and clients who bolt out the door. Not only might they never come back, but many also have a hard time trusting when the right person for them finally shows up. Price does not automatically equal value anymore.
ENTREPRENEURIAL NETWORKING, SALES CALLS, AND NAVIGATING DM’S CAN BE TRIGGERING
Navigating our personal triggers can be tricky, let alone trying to adjust to the highs and lows of coaching, entrepreneurship, and service work.
How many times have you experienced feelings of shame, inadequacy, or felt like you were being devalued just by sharing something and then getting comments on it that were hurtful or unsupportive?
How many times have you felt your heart race, your body tighten, and your throat constrict as you typed out a response, or fired back in a way that felt out of integrity with the person you know you are?
How many times have you felt cornered on a call –the pitch just keeps going as the person on the other end glosses over what you are saying and chooses not to hear and honor your no, and by the time you hang up the phone you have a stomachache, a headache, and once again, vow to never get on a call again?
Maybe this doesn't resonate with you because hasn’t been your experience. If so, I am glad. Contrary to what the industry wants you to believe, these experiences are shared by many folks and highlight why trauma sensitive practices have a role in coaching and service provision.
Deception, alongside an overemphasized transactional approach, has weakened the integrity and trust within a public-facing helping industry. Folks are tired of fielding offers of help that turn out to be nothing more than a sales strategy.
It's time to stop provoking trauma responses and digging into people's pain just to prove a point or close on an offer. Repeated incidents of this hammer into our physiology. This has a toxic effect on well-being and does not cultivate a felt sense of safety, attentiveness, or connection.
#SurvivorsBias has been frowned upon and carefully hidden in the shadows of the online coaching space.
What is being taught out there tends to become all people know because of how prevalent it's become. These practices are deeply rooted in the online space and are perpetuated in coaching and entrepreneurial groups because of how well they support industry systems as a whole. This cycle of manipulation has been going on for a long time, and we need to acknowledge that.
Our clients are not scapegoats for our unhealed wounds or validation points for our own unmet needs. This can show up in a variety of ways in relationship dynamics, such as:
Projecting unhealed narratives onto others.
Rejecting personal responsibility and ownership around the energetic impact of words and behaviors.
Suppressing ourselves, and others.
Stomach-flips when we read marketing/content that does not feel good or genuine.
Feelings of shame, inadequacy, and unworthiness.
Shaming audience/clients into taking action or into a state of non-action, thus inducing a trauma response.
Some examples I've personally witness or experienced in community with folks include:
Lashing out in the comment section and calling a prospect “stupid” or “lazy” for not wanting to invest in an offer after spending time with them on a sales call.
It’s often not that our clients are being resistant, or lazy they just need support that works for them and motivates them the way that they need to be motivated. They also need to feel safe with the person they are entrusting their time and money to.
Asserting dominance on a call or in a coaching thread in order to flex one's expertise, including trying to convince them that their experiences and personal choices are wrong or invalid. This can also happen when someone responds to a post and questions something, or shares a different idea, experience, or perspective.
While it is natural to feel some discomfort or let down when things don’t go the way we hoped, or when folks share differences in their opinions and experiences, people do not deserve to be bullied or disrespected because of our own triggers or because we have a need for control or didn't get the outcome or sale that we wanted.
Healing is an ongoing and potentially life-long process, especially as generational trauma comes to the surface. Our own responses and reactions as we move forward in life and service work can be both barriers and signals to heed when it comes to both conscious awareness, and unconscious patterns, and the manifestation, and actualization of our desired outcomes.
If we aren’t addressing where we need to do the work around this, we risk doing harm and re-traumatizing not only our clients, but our audience, and driving people away from wanting to work with us. Especially when there are many coaches who are going beyond their scope of practice to do trauma work without adequate training, accountability, or supervision within unregulated industries.
We need to be looking at whole person optimization and be able to meet people where they are at, not where we, or the coaching industry, expects them to be or encourages coaches to manipulate them toward.
It’s time to reduce traumatization and restore trust in coach-client relationships. How we show up matters.
The onus is on us to be ethical, and relational, to monitor how we respond, and to have the courage to initiate repair when necessary. We need to be doing our own inner work.
The future of coaching depends on integrity, and how we rise as coaches, healers, and collaborative teams, to close the gaps and meet unmet needs.
Even though we may go through similar storms, we are all in different boats, with different brains, bodies, and needs.
JENNIFER ANN
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* Jennifer is not a doctor, medical professional, healthcare provider, therapist, counselor, or lawyer. While she does talk about conscientious, ethical service provision and stewardship, you are ultimately in charge of and responsible for the decisions and investments that you choose or do not choose to make for yourself, your business and and/or your clients. Seeing clients without protocols for prevention, legal issues, and a clinical referral process is at your own risk. Jennifer's consulting and coaching services are not a substitute for legal advice, including when matters of ethics and compliant marketing are being discussed. None of her services nor the support she provides are a substitute for when you need to find a lawyer, therapist, or a qualified professional. Jennifer does not assume your risk. Approaching or messaging Jennifer with questions or in the name of getting support does not constitute or create a service agreement. Nothing Jennifer shares through any medium are to be used as a substitute for medical care, counseling, psychotherapy, nor are to be regarded as legal, or financial advice. Jennifer does not focus on income generating activities. Jennifer does not teach you how to make more money. As a matter of ethics, she must be upfront that current pricing trends in the majority of the market are a conflict of interest based on her mission, and priorities. By filling out any forms or submitting information through forms, email links, or a chat app on this site, please be aware that you are consenting to the form builder and chat app collecting and processing the information you provided and are indicating that Jennifer Ann Falandys can send you a follow-up message or email. Please see her Service Disclaimer and Privacy Policy for full disclosures.
🌿 Designed January 2025
Jennifer Ann Falandys
Olean, New York, 14760